My Story
I would like to share with you what the Lord has done in my life and the freedom that He has given me in the healing of my wounds. Truly our hope is in the Lord Jesus. He is our Healer, our Deliverer and our Restorer.
I was a victim of sexual abuse and became a survivor. Today I am an overcomer in the Lord. First of all I’d like to define what a survivor is. A survivor according to the American Heritage Dictionary, is a person who remains alive or in existence, to live or persist through. According to the Webster’s Dictionary, a survivor remains alive or in existence after -- to continue living or existing.
As a survivor, I did live through and after the abuse. As an overcomer, I live each day with hope and a future. What did I survive? First and foremost, sexual abuse. Then I became a survivor of physical, verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse. Abuse issues run a pattern, and they became a vicious cycle in my life from which I found it impossible to break free.
As I share my testimony with you, I will also be sharing God’s plan for breaking this cycle and showing how every person can walk in God’s truth, which will bring freedom. He is the Bondage Breaker. First though, I’d like to share part of my childhood background to show how the powers of darkness were given an entrance into my life through the evil choices and deeds of mankind.
CHILDHOOD and TEEN BACKGROUND:
• I was an unwanted birth.
• When I was six months old, my mother abandoned me. She later became an alcoholic. In my younger years she was in and out of my life like a whirlwind. My memories of my mother consisted of fur coats, Tabu perfume, many presents and the disappearing act. (God's love and grace healed the relationship with my mother whom in later years I learned to love dearly as she totally changed her life and she was a loving, “always there” grandmother to her grandchildren).
• At age four, I was sexually abused.
• Suffered nightmares (night terrors) from age four. God delivered me from the spirit of fear in 1985.
• Terrified of the dark, small confined spaces and elevators. Delivered also from these fears in 1985.
• Expelled from kindergarten at age five for violent temper outbursts in school. Was labeled as incorrigible, which means incapable of being corrected or reformed; Firmly rooted; not manageable or controllable. What a curse to place on a five year old girl.
• Truancy problems starting in the first grade, later I became a high school drop out.
• Raised by father. Lived in boarding homes, moving constantly, having no roots or security. Was always a loner (I trusted no one; I was safe when I was alone).
• As my father worked days and attended night school, my sister and I were locked in our apartment (for safety purposes) and let out at meal time only. I was age three and my sister was age six. To this day, I have a love/hate relationship with locked rooms.
• Serious sleep walker at age six through age nine. Often found wandering outside at nighttime.
• Considered a “bully” by other kids. I was always in fist fights, especially with the boys. I hated them and never liked a boy to get the best of me. Always went to the aid of the underdog.
• Sexually abused by my father from age ten (earliest memories) through age 13.
• Physically attacked with the intent of rape at the age of twelve and one-half; screamed and fought my way free. It occurred at night time.
• Several times molested by the fathers of the children I was baby-sitting. One man was a doctor, the other a well-respected business man. I told Dad, (happened during and after his abuse of me) but he minimized, and assumed that I was overreacting.
• Became involved with a married man at age 13 and age 15. I carried the scars of shame and guilt for years. The men were in their late twenties.
• Date raped at age 15.
• Sexually attacked twice on dates at age 16 and age 17 Again I fought until I was free and I walked several miles to my home hiding in ditches along the way as cars passed. I was terrified.
• Married three times by the age of 20. (I did not accept the Lord until later in my life).
• I was approached during the first divorce (age 18) by my lawyer, who wanted to set me up in a Portland hotel to become a model (I believe the proper term is Call girl). I was naive and would have gone. I thank God for my brother-in-law who saw through the lawyer's deception and put his foot down on my going (My daughter and I were living in their home at this time).
• Constantly in lifelong compromising situations. I had a woman’s body with a child’s emotions.
• I was not able to choose proper male companionship, therefore, I was constantly being abused.
• During my third marriage, my husband Joe, became an alcoholic who was abusive in all five areas, physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually. (God brought healing and deliverance into both our lives. We celebrated our 42rd wedding anniversary before Joe went home to heaven.
• NOTE: I struggled with obeying the fifth commandment, Honor your father and your mother, but as God brought me through tremendous healing from past wounds and the abuse, I was able to love and forgiven my father for the pain and damage he had inflicted upon my life. How, you ask? God showed me that I could honor (and love) my parents in various characteristics of their personality and work ethics that I had both inherited and learned from them. That was so releasing to me, as I desired to be obedient to God and His word as I continued to heal and serve Him.